I often get asked what I want to be, or what I want to do with my degree. ‘Do you want to be a teacher?’ they ask. I normally shrug, ‘maybe, I’m not sure. I’ll figure it out later.’
Really, I’m avoiding admitting what I would love to do.
When I was younger I wanted to be a hairstylist (not hairdresser!), a gymnastics coach and an author simultaneously. I also went through phases of wanting to own a shop (for the sole reason that I could get to use a till). Then all I wanted was to be a mum.
I’m blessed to know that the last one is happening, and imminently! But what of the rest?
Whether as a job, or on the side, or for fun, I really want to write. I love reading, love writing, love creativity. I know that making money as a writer has slim potential, but I know I’m already going to be busy with our family, and being a mother. I don’t really care about making money through it.
I don’t honestly have much confidence in whether I would be any ‘good’, I don’t know if I have a style or a niche, I don’t know what kind of books or things I can or would produce. The books I have done through Nanowrimo have been relatively short, and all quite different in their content.
I want to write things that matter, that affect people.
I love writing this blog, and I really want to keep on channelling creatively through it, but more than that I want it to be useful to God. I don’t know how he can use it, use me, and I probably never will, but that is my wish. To be a part of his plan, the way he plans it is the best thing.
I feel that I need to stop saying ‘I don’t know’ what I want to do, or that I’ll figure it out later. I want to be useful to God, and I want to be able to use the passions and talents he has given me to do that. I want to be a good wife, daughter, mother, and I want to use the creativeness that is within me, to write if that’s what I can do!