In real life, the lounge is tidy and serene, being lit up in the thin glow of morning light through the net curtains, before life hits it. Toddler feet run through, stamping and pausing for a moment, hands reaching. Objects start to hit the floor- a wooden piece of food dropped, a basket of soft food placed before Upsy Daisy’s flowered feet. Light grows warmer, yellowing as the day runs on- more toys, cushions, blankets being spread about, moved. In real life our living space goes from tidy to messy in a matter of minutes- all picked back up again to hoover the stray crumbs, and the rhythm begins again.
We make a book corner, and Phoebe carefully pulls all the books from her shelf, into a big pile. ‘That’s enough..’ ‘A bit too more’, she asserts. Her fingers try to follow the words on the page of her dinosaur books as she pretends to know what they say. Attention spans are lost and found- a pair of plastic picnic glasses become binoculars, glasses, the remote becomes a phone and beds are made and unmade for the toys. In real life, every time one tv program ends another one is demanded, or screamed for. ‘Please use your words instead of shouting and screaming.’ Thankfully distraction techniques are becoming more varied and soon she can be off again, in a world of imaginary play.
There is giggling and jumping up and down when Simeon wakes from his nap. ‘Dih bake now!’ They look at each other from either side of the cot, Phoebe laughing and bouncing and saying ‘hi, li man’ while Simeon smiles his wide smile and reaquaints himself with the daylight. His arms and legs start to kick in happiness and I undo his sleeping bag to go downstairs. Phoebe gives him toys on his playmat, ‘hee arr’ (here you are) but still ‘gently, gently’ is the motto when she gets a bit over excited and forgets he is little.
Loving being out and about, Phoebe gets antsy after being in the house for too long, but when we go outside in the garden to build a den or have a picnic she ends up going inside and outside again and again. Her long legs curl up to push her scuttlebug up and down the garden, and she laughs and runs about after Poppy, telling her to come back. When we wander up to the park she gets really excited and runs to the swings ‘whee! high high mumma’, and asks other children to go in swings next to her. ‘Go dat bing’ she demands of the ten month old boy, or the three year old girl. Thankfully they’re usually happy to play along.
This season is full of keeping up, I feel like I’m washing up and wiping up and clearing up over and over again, an endless, inevitable cycle. Cookbooks which have been collected carefully on the shelf are being cracked open, a faint scattering of flour and sugar going across the pages. The table is wiped, again and again. There are some, rare moments alone, meatballs made from scratch, for baking with the little girl who now goes to the fridge, helps herself to butter, milk, and then gets the measuring jug from the cupboard. ‘Need bake cake’. There is good food in abundance, most of the time, and the clearing up from the mess made along the way!
Forgiveness is needed a lot in this place- there are time outs, and impatience and short tempers from everyone. There are little hands stroking my face, ‘better soon’, and ‘soh, mumma’, which melt my frustration away and remind me of the grace these little ones demonstrate, how easily they forgive. There are mistakes made and rebellious natures all around, and we’re learning together. In the evenings before I go to sleep there are pages read on my kindle, pages which are filling my soul with hope, and common sense, and truth from God that I need to be reminded of.
New people are being met, new places explored, and new shoes bought. Little throats cough and washing bins fill up and the grass grows longer. There are lonely moments, being in a new place, and lacking the deeper friendships which take time to develop, there are joyful moments with the little ones. Some days are hard and frustrating and I long for the fresh start which a night of (broken) sleep will bring, but then I remember that there were many great moments too. Other days are packed with fun, and my heart feels like it will burst from happy by the end of it.
My real life is hard, easy, busy, full of beautiful and messy things, mistakes and things done right. Some days I forget that mothering, looking after a household is work, hard work, because it feels like a joy. Other days I feel the frustration and the lack of sleep like a great weight, pressing in, but I have to look out, breathe the fresh air and remember God is in control, and this is work worth doing.
vonzex says
I’m still reading, but this is truly excellent writing so far. Have you been writing long?
Zoe Rose @ papillonroses says
Thanks for your kind words! I’ve been writing in some capacity since I knew how, this blog I’ve been doing for about three and a half years- I studied English Lit so love books and words.
erniebufflo says
Lovely post. So true of life with toddlers.
Zoe Rose @ papillonroses says
Thanks! It’s such a busy time but I’m trying to enjoy it all not wish away the mess..