There are times when I find it hard to speak. Not that it’s impossible, so much as it’s easier for me to express myself the way I want to if I write instead of actually speaking the words aloud. Perhaps it’s my more introvert nature, or the fact I’ve been writing avidly since I knew how- or maybe it’s just that my brain processes and expresses things better in written form.
But when it comes to the written form of speaking- this writing right here- I let it slide for too long. I felt a fear about having shelves, spaces full of notebooks and words, and wondering if they would even matter in the future. I felt fear about pouring out these words on paper, and there being some ‘better’ use of my time. I felt fear about writing these words online, for others to read and see and open up parts of my head, my life and to be vulnerable in that way. Without really realising, I drew back, the journals and notebooks were less frequently used, and I started to lose that inclination to speak in this way. That feeling which I know so well, the burning desire to find paper, a phone, anything to get the words captured and written, however imperectly out of my head and spoken.
These days I wonder who to speak to, and what about. A large part of me wants to write here as and when I feel that need, that desire to share something which compels me to put pen to paper. But often those words are being captured in other forms, in my journal (here) or in written prayers. It does take time, to write, to sit here and tap those words out and I need to be sure that words that are shared do matter – at least to me, and hopefully to others too. I want what I speak here to be encouraging and something relatable and not really about me at all. But sometimes, we just have to speak. Or write.
(Linking to Five Minute Friday)
Mari-Anna Stålnacke says
I hear you. I love writing too and struggle with how much to share about me too. I don’t want it to be about me but at the same time I realize stories touch people in ways than mere facts ever can not. Thanks for sharing. Hope-filled blessings to you!
Zoe Rose says
So true Mari-Anne, and I love it when others share personally and it encourages me.
Fiona says
I feel so similarly. And sometimes if there’s any confrontation I freeze, I can’t speak. My beloved words leave me.
I have felt guilty recently for writing
heartfelt letters about difficult subjects as I know I can often. Not find the words when sitting across from someone. The letter is an important form for me but maybe not suitable for all occasions?
I definitely have the notebook guilt too! Thank you so much for sharing. You have a lot of important things to say. I would encourage you to voice them 🙂
Zoe Rose says
Thanks lovely – I definitely prefer tackling tricky things in writing but I don’t want to seem like I’m avoiding the person either so I know what you mean! Here’s to more writing!
Carol says
Keep on writing! Writing allows me to process my thoughts–then when I have an opportunity to speak, the words come easier. Thanks for visiting my blog. Have a blessed weekend.
Zoe Rose says
That’s true- the words do flow better when I have taken time to write.
Andrew Budek-Schmeisser says
You’re so right. Sometimes you just have to speak.
Awhile back I started writing about my journey through terminal illness, with an eye toward letting the caregiving spouse learn what to expect as things got worse. It’s grown to more than that; I’ve changed along the way, and have found that another valuable story is my strengthening of faith as things get worse
I was a very active and switched-on person with irons in many ires, and as illness has taken my abilities, it hasn’t tken either hope or optimism, and I want to share that. It’s not just ‘me’; there’s an aspect of intentionality in both good morale and gratitude for what one has, and anyone can develop that.
#2 at FMF this week.
https://blessed-are-the-pure-of-heart.blogspot.com/2017/08/your-dying-spouse-351-this-will-all-be.html